Esther fascinatingly writes:
Brain development continues from infancy to adulthood, but many
parents underestimate how much a child’s brain changes from year to year, and
how those changes can influence behaviour. Decades of scientific studies have shown even an immature brain
is capable of extraordinary feats. Yet a fully developed brain is necessary for
actions that adults take for granted, such as risk assessment and self-control. According to developmental psychologists, parents who better
understand the stages along the way can help guide their child over the
hurdles.
Babies, for example, are surprisingly good at communicating. They are looking, listening and imitating from the time they are
born. Stick your tongue out at a baby, even an infant just hours old, and he or
she may do the same back at you. Rachel Makepeace have a go with you new little
bundle of joy!
Yet many parents don’t realise how quickly infants begin to
develop social and emotional awareness. Parents underestimate how sensitive a child is to their
emotions. As early as six months old, a child can be affected by a parent’s
depression or anxiety, and by marital squabbles. Babies also look to their parents for guidance in uncertain
situations. e.g. if you’re in a shop and start interacting with a little in a
buggy one next to you, the baby may turn to the parent to see how to respond to
you. This process is called “social cognition” or “social
referencing”, and it is not so different from when adults at a party wait to
respond to a joke when they’re unsure whether others will find it funny or
offensive.
To help infants learn, parents should frequently look at what
they’re talking about, and change their gaze slowly. This important social cue
helps with language development; babies who follow gazes closely having a more
diverse vocabulary by the time they’re two.
All languages sound the same initially to a newborn, and then a
tuning process begins. By about 10 months, babies start to specialise in the
language they are used to hearing. (Rachel, make sure you talk to your baby in
French or German!). It is vitally important parents talk to their child during the
first year.
While we typically underestimate babies’ ability to understand
and communicate before they begin speaking, we tend to overestimate the brain
power of walking, talking toddlers. Toddlers are seemingly mentally incapable of sharing and
self-control. In a survey conducted in 2015, nearly half of parents believed
their children could learn to share by the time they are two. But according to the cognitive psychologists, this skill does
not typically develop until a child is three or four. That may be because they
have not yet developed what is known as “theory of mind”.
Theory of mind is the ability to differentiate one’s own
perspective and preferences from someone else. A classic experiment in theory
of mind is known as the “Sally-Anne test”. A child is told Sally has a basket
and Anne has a box. Sally puts an object in her basket, then leaves. While
Sally is gone, Anne moves the object to the box. The child is then asked where Sally will look for the object
when she returns. Correctly answering that Sally will look in her basket
signals the child understands they have a perspective that is different from
Sally’s.
Theory of mind is important for developing empathy, making
friends and even doing well academically. Parents can help their children
develop perspective by talking them through scenarios like the Sally-Anne test,
or reading books that help them to build cognitive parallels. For example, in a
book where a character goes to a doctor, they can compare the situation to when
the child went to the doctor and discuss how the experiences were similar or
different.
According to that 2015 survey, the majority of parents also
believed two-year-olds can control their emotions and impulses. Yet children
have very limited self-control abilities until they are about four. When
toddlers won’t stop throwing a fit, do something forbidden or refuse to share,
the are not being willfully obstinate.
We can help young children with self-control – for example, by
distracting them with a favourite toy while sweeties by the supermarket
checkout. And when dealing with a tantrum, acknowledge a child’s feelings by
putting them into words. A lot of their frustration is the feeling of being
misunderstood.
It helps giving the child the impression that they have some
control. In my own case, when my grandchildren stay over and don’t want to go
to bed, I will ask them whether they want to play for a few more minutes and
then go to bed. Parents or grandparents in my case, who understand how their
toddlers’ brains work (or don’t work) will find it fairly easy to outsmart
them. It’s good to tell a child “no” because they’re learning language, but you
can’t expect them to change their behaviours.
Teenagers do not think with the same parts of their brain as
adults. For some parents, a seemingly erratic teenager can
make those long-ago toddler days seem like a walk in the park. Understanding
how teens think can improve the experience for both sides.
Connections in our brain develop from the back to the front, and
those important for higher-order thinking continue to form and strengthen into
a person’s twenties. Teenagers have good connectivity up to about their ears. And
at this age, the midbrain – important for emotion – sexual function, learning
and memory, is hyperactive.
As teens transition into adulthood, connections in the front of
their brain are strengthened, while those in the other regions are pruned. A
fully developed frontal lobe is essential for planning, decision-making,
impulse control and risk avoidance.
These stages of development showed up in a 2006 imaging
experiment. Researchers discovered adults trying to identify fearful facial
expressions used more of the front of their brain, while teens used the
emotional centres in the midbrain – meaning teens literally think using
different parts of their brain.
The finding might explain why some teen behaviours surprise
adults. Teenagers are actually more susceptible to stress. If a teeneger comes
home distraught because someone made fun of their hair, you might be tempted to
say it’s no big deal. But the activity in their brain likely resembles an adult
brain’s response to news of a major international incident.
The plasticity of teen brains – their ability to lose, form and
strengthen connections – also makes adolescents especially susceptible to
addiction, to everything from video games to cocaine. Activities such as binge
drinking and chronic weed use can be especially damaging at this age.
It is good to give teenagers
a “frontal-lobe assist” by helping them to plan, prepare and even rehearse for
situations that require higher judgement. Help them develop and learn phrases
to use as excuses to avoid making a bad decision amid social pressure, for
example. And if they do make a bad decision, we could use the situation as a
teachable moment instead of lecturing or alienating them. Throughout a child’s life, parents who understand some basics of
brain development can adjust their expectations, and better come up with
strategies to prevent frustration for everyone.
Children growing up in a household where parents are not
interested. Where there is violence (verbally or physically) will not be
prepared to rationalise age related expectations. Children who suffer trauma (neglect or abuse
in any form) during early childhood will
suffer later on in life. A child only
needs to experience a combination of three triggers from their early childhood
abusive period, to have a full blown melt down or simply put up a barrier to
progression.
Eg if a child lived in a household where someone had brightly
dyed hair, always wore overalls, smelt of cigarettes, used a particular
vocabulary and had a high pitched shrieking voice and they are in a situation
where only three of these triggers are witness together, they can suddenly go
into fight or flight mode and create an almighty scene. In a classroom situation, when one of our pupils suddenly loses
the plot, we would be wise to ask ourselves what happened to create this
meltdown.
In other words, a little understanding goes a long way. Consequently, I think I am a much better
grandparent than I was as a parent. And being the head of specialist provision
for young people in Swindon, many of whom will end up in prison and previously
managing the 600 young people set up for Kids Company in Bristol, has taught me
to be so much more tolerant than I was as a newly qualified teacher many moons
ago!